“Dear Jan, Do you use therapy dolls? I have two residents who both love babies. One of them (let’s call her Maggie) has a doll of her own, although I don’t think it’s a special therapy doll, it’s just a normal dolly. The other resident (let’s call her Patricia) always wants to hold it and cuddle it. This causes confusion and distress for Maggie. Patricia’s family aren’t keen on her having a doll of her own and got upset at the thought of it. My manager says we don’t have the budget to purchase another doll. We do have a spare doll, but the problem is that it’s a fair-skinned doll with blonde hair. Patricia is Jamaican by heritage and has beautiful, dark brown skin. I don’t think it’s appropriate to use the doll that we have going spare. What do you think?
Anon”
Thank you for writing in to me.
There certainly is a place for therapy dolls, and I have used them in the past with lovely results. Therapy dolls can be very expensive, but good-quality, realistic toy dolls can be just as effective. I can understand that the family may feel that it is juvenile and inappropriate for their mum to have a doll, but maybe it would be useful to provide them with some appropriate reading material, so they can gain a more objective view of what you are trying to achieve. You could consider arranging a training session for staff, volunteers and relatives, to share knowledge and information about dolls and their benefits. There are many videos online showing the positive effects of doll therapy – you could suggest to Patricia’s relatives that they watch some of this content too. They may not be aware of the positive effects they can have for an individual and how they can bring great comfort and purpose when used correctly.
Regarding the doll itself, here are my suggestions… Firstly, you could try offering the spare doll. You never know – Maggie may decide that she likes her, leaving her current doll free for Patricia to enjoy. However, life is seldom that easy, but it is worth judging the reaction of both ladies and assessing the situation. What is Patricia’s background? Talk about her life history with the family. Often I find that the residents who connect the most with therapy dolls have worked with young children in the past, either as midwives, nursery nurses, childminders or teachers. If this is the case, then she may connect with a therapy doll regardless of the skin colour. However, I do agree that it is totally appopriate for her to be given her own baby.
So, in order to obtain a doll for her to have as her own, approach your local specialist toy shop – offer free publicity if they donate a suitable doll to your home. You could also reach out to charities or arrange some fundraising within your home in order to raise sufficient funds to purchase new activity provision equipment, including a therapy doll.
Good luck, and persevere with the family. Make sure they know that you are all on the same side, and that you are doing your very best to provide love and joy for their mum in what is a challenging time for the whole family. They quite possibly got upset because they are struggling to process the journey their mum is now on.
Keep doing what you are doing. You are doing a fantastic job.
Best wishes,
Jan
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